Distraction vs Discomfort

I was in a room full of other leaders. There were plenty of people I 'sort of' knew but not so I felt part of the conversation. I found my seat and then realised everyone was standing, so I stood up and lingered around my row of chairs awkwardly. I went and got a coffee that I didn't really want which killed about 3 minutes!

Suddenly I became aware of small beads of sweat forming on my face – the kind where you wish you were not wearing your thick winter jumper in a heated room full with lots of people talking loudly, and seemingly incredibly happy to be in the conversation they were in, totally unaware of anyone else.

My hand went to my pocket and reached for my phone. The ease of having something to look at and distract from all the insecurities that were kicking off in me was huge – and then I remembered as my own voice echoed around my head: I had recently taught a room of young leaders about digital distraction and 'leaning in' when there are moments of discomfort, rather reaching for the easy route out through distraction.

I rolled my eyes (maybe at me, maybe at God!), put my phone in my bag, took a deep breath and whispered a prayer that sounded something like 'Help me, Holy Spirit'. I got up and spotted someone else standing on their own and introduced myself. ‘Hello, I'm Liz.’

It was as awkward in-person as it is to read, but it was a step towards connection. That moment did more for my leadership than the person I spoke to because I grew in confidence to do the uncomfortable thing, which then become easier the next time I had to do it again.

A few years on from that and I now walk into those rooms still aware of the same insecurities that flare up, but determined to not only choose to lean into the discomfort for my own growth, but because I want to see something different for others in those rooms. I want to carry a different culture so that I am ready to come against the feeling of isolation and insecurity that others might be feeling, and greet them with warmth and care.

I wouldn't have discovered this part of my leadership had I allowed the pull of distraction to just make it all a bit easier. Spotting the discomfort, reflecting on my own reaction and making a choice in that moment has taught me a lot about myself and how God has called me to lead.

Tips from the Onelife team:

• Where are the spaces that you reach for your phone because they are uncomfortable?

• Make a plan of action and tell someone about it. Ask them to hold you to account to seeing it through! 

• Before walking into those situations, pray. Ask God to show you what others need in the room. How would you want someone to be with you?

• In the moment, choose to keep your phone in your bag and put the plan into action.